The Bubble & the Beast

How big is my bubble we each may ask ourselves from time to time.  Does the size of the bubble change as we get older or if challenges come into our lives?  A mentor years ago use to ask the following question a great deal:  “what comes out of you when you are squeezed?”  There were times when I found myself displeased with what came out of me when I was squeezed so I decided to make some changes in my way of thinking almost 2 decades ago.

You know something that never fails to bring out the child in me in one second flat is the sight of bubbles.  Bubbles are carefree & whether we have the super deluxe bbq bubble maker, the old fashioned stick with a circle & some kitchen bubbles or anything in between, bubbles I think are fun.  I will never outgrow bubbles.  Exhibit A is that I actually bring bubbles with me in my vehicle door compartment all year long just in case.  Ok, Saundie, I get it, you like bubbles but what does this have to do with life or challenges or anything else in adulthood?

The two questions that I have found myself ask on occasion of me are:  how big is my bubble & what comes out of me when I am squeezed.  Life has provided ample opportunities to answer these questions.  In asking what the size of our bubble is, what I am really asking is how large is our world.  Some folks seem for example to be able to travel many parts of the world yet remain in tight quarters within a tiny bubble of safety or sameness or something else that remains unchanged no matter where they go in life or what happens to them.  I don’t understand that personally yet I don’t mean the statement as a judgment but rather an observation.  Then there are folks who literally are illuminated from the inside out & whether they travel far or not, the size of their bubble is enormous.  They are the folks that change the world for the better by the way that they think & behave, care & love.  Perhaps it is the way that we think & love that is the deciding factor in the size of our bubble.  We each ponder that for ourselves.

On November 29, 2007 I was officially diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  I already knew I had it before the words came out of the endocrinologist’s mouth.  The signs were like a neon light & I knew that I was sick big time.  Illness can provide a time to again answer those two questions.  First of all, I decided on November 29,2007 that my bubble would expand especially because of type 1.  It is kind of like looking at the fork in the road that Robert Frost so famously painted in each of our minds.  I had to decide whether I was going to shrink because of type 1 & become a victim & thus have a small bubble to live in or be a spiritual battle warrior on the days that my body does not cooperate with me.  It is important to add that for me being a battle warrior against the beast of type 1 diabetes means that I also get to take rest breaks away from being super strong 24-7.  Being a battle warrior does not mean that I don’t get incredibly exhausted, sick, physically beaten up, emotionally wiped.  What it does mean is that I choose to be exactly me with or without type 1.  Before type 1 I had a great attitude yet there were blue days & I would let myself go ahead & have a cry.  With type 1, maybe some days the tears last a wee bit longer.  The thing that has not changed is that I get back up every single time.  I get to answer the question of “what comes out when I get squeezed?” with the word “determination!”  Determination which some may describe as strength I feel is a renewable resource.  I find that I replenish my determination in so many different ways & most of all it is through the Dear Hearts in my life that I find strength even on the toughest days. 

It is February 24, 2014 today & although I feel frustrated that my plan for better health for 2014 has gotten off to no kind of start at all that I find myself full of determination.  Since January 2^nd, I have been continuously sick with one thing or another, some things that are as a result of type 1 & other things as basic as the common cold.  This past weekend I caught a doozy of a cough & cold & feel physically pretty lousy but spiritually determined.  The strange yet very cool thing though is that somehow throughout the barrage of being continuously ill on top of type 1 for 7 weeks, my blood sugar readings are pretty good.  I have been testing even more during this time frame with the attitude of wanting to change or affect what I can to the best of my abilities.  That is kind of saying something because on average during the year on a given day I am already testing 10 times a day.  Over the last 7 weeks, my daily testing average is closer to 12-14.  It is like saying to type 1, “bring it!”  If you can think of a family member (or many), or friend (or many) that help you stand right up tall & pour into you strength for your journey, please cherish them big time.  I am blessed hugely with family & friends who I have seen get squeezed & what comes out of them too is determination & strength & love & compassion.  It occurred to me a long time ago that the more I get squeezed in life, the more I get to give heartfelt compassion in words & deeds.  I love that.

Okay, so the first 2 months of this year have not gone according to what I had hoped & planned yet my battle warrior determination is fiercer than ever & my appreciation for my Dear Hearts is completely off the Richter scale.

My heart’s hope for you is that your world remains huge throughout every storm.  May your bubble be immeasurable in hugeness.  And when you ask yourself what comes out of you when you are squeezed whether you have type 1 diabetes or another “365” challenge, may the answer be one that gives you strength & determination.  Most of all, may you always know that you are exactly a beautiful original & the world is so much more because you are here.

Smiles, Saundie :)

May you too carry bubbles with you at all times either as a reminder or just for fun!  Next Monday's sharing is "1% of a Small Number."    :)