Taking it Lightly

Do you find that in life at times we get to a point where we need to take a conscious break from too much heaviness?  Other times, we may automatically give ourselves a break.  These breaks could be in the form of changing our environment temporarily.  We may choose to take a short physical or psychological vacation to restore our strength & rejuvenate our determination so that we can continue our marathon that is either type 1 or another “365” challenge.  Have you found that breaks can also come in the form of purposefully looking at life’s day in & day out events through a fresher pair of eyes.  And we can make choices with a dusted off attitude.  One thing that comes naturally to me the majority of the time is the natural tendency to make light of myself or find humour in the challenge or the absurd.  Also I attempt to look at many challenges through the lens of adventure.

As Spring has bid us adieu for another season & summer is charming us with its warmth & slower pace, I find myself fully embracing the approach of taking challenges as much as possible in my life lighter.  In putting away our bulky winter & still weighing down spring clothing, we can attempt to add levity to our summer if that is what would serve us best.  I made a decision this past late spring that I am ready big time to move towards lightening up the heaviness that winter left behind in terms of challenges.  It does not mean that I am going to deny that the challenges are there or pretend that everything is perfect.  Rather, I am looking to balance the reality of living with several chronic illnesses with the equal reality of joy & gratitude that I feel despite these challenges.  The joy & gratitude are magnified.  It truly is the little moments that I cherish most.  How about you?  The challenges will be there & I am okay with that.  The thing is though that I have the choice about what I want to focus most on.  The answer for me is a resounding big time, “my family & friends!”  The focus is being even more present with a lighting of my attitude.  Too much intensity I realize is exhausting.  Perhaps you have found this to be true for you as well? 

Okay, Saundie, how about some real life examples to take these ideas & put them into practice.  We each will have ways that work best for us in bringing levity into our lives.  There are several real life examples that I have recently experienced that I would love to share with you.

Recently, a friend of mine lost his battle with cancer.  After attending his funeral, I not too surprisingly felt a heavy heart & at a bit of a loss about how to best get on with that day.  My heart naturally felt heavy & sad.  I had a schedule of tasks all organized for the remainder of the day.  It felt though that to simply pick back up on my list of tasks for the day was far from any type of tribute to a life that had made such a difference in our community.  What I decided to do was literally rip up the task list for that day & gently let an idea come to mind that would celebrate & honour this friend’s life.  This friend was all about humour, service to others, taking himself lightly, a love for animals & being outside in nature.  It came to me quickly that the very best way to spend the next few hours was to take my goldie & get outside in nature on a huge nature walk along the shoreline.  At the halfway mark, there was a bench overlooking the smooth Lake in our area.  It was a picture perfect day out.  I pulled out my tea flask for me & set out a small tea picnic for myself & a couple of tasty treats for our goldie, “Beddy.”  (Short for Lady Bedford but she is one to roll in the mud so such a fancy name did not stick so she is Beddy).  I poured my tea into a camping style cup & gave a toast right out loud to a friend who left us far too soon.  And a smile came to my face & I knew big time that he was smiling down on an eccentric dyad.  To passersby we likely appeared a wee bit strange yet it felt so amazingly just right in the form of an appreciation of a friend.  The pace was gentle & I felt so big time present with the light breeze blowing & the water cascading to shore.  It was a way to feel sadness & joy all at the same time.  They do occur together for me when I am fully present & living in gratitude for the natural beauty that is a short walk from our back door.

As I have shared with you over the winter months, I came down with a severe case of strep throat.  It should be long gone & not even a memory by now however the strep left me with what has become an ongoing unfortunate “souvenir” in the form of guttate psoriasis that I am been advised will be with me on & off throughout the rest of my life.  It is a menace.   Trying to get a specialist for this chronic disease is an exercise in patience since the waiting list to get in is close to 6 months.  Since I have now been living with this for nearly 3 months, that would mean that just getting a start at getting it under control will take the better part of a full year from the time that it surfaced.  And it will be back as mentioned for the rest of my life if I am exposed to strep or even another virus or even something as simple & mundane as increased stress.  Oh bother!  There is no way that I am going to let my attitude however go to a place of “woe is me.”  If there is something that type 1 has taught me it is that I can & will be strengthened by any physical challenge that comes my way & not reduced or redefined by health challenges.  Health challenges will not change the essence & spirit of who I am.  I am just plain feisty & determined that way!  How about you!  The silver lining in needing some specialist help is that geographically we live in an area that is close to some unique clinics in terms of commuting.  My family doctor described a neat option available to commute to to confirm my diagnosis & have 1 appointment with a specialist while I await my turn to link up with an ongoing specialist.  The clinic that was available for a 1 time consultation is located in the Distillery District in Toronto.  I had heard of that area before & had even worked in downtown Toronto for nearly 10 years yet I had never veered off & experienced the Distillery District.  As luck would have it the specialist consultation clinic is located right in the centre of the Distillery District.  Last Friday my husband & I took the trip to the specialist’s in that District & I decided to treat the whole thing like an adventure.  The waiting room was very busy & you do not have an appointment but rather simply wait for your turn.  I could tell that it was going to be a significant wait time since there were at least 40 people ahead of me.  In preparation for this wait, I brought along a brand new cookbook that I had received as a gift from our sons this past Mother’s Day.  I brought along several wee pieces of paper to use to bookmark recipes that I want to try to make soon.  It was a thoroughly enjoyable 3 hour wait & it was a very lovely waiting area that is reminiscent of the 1800’s which is my cup of tea.  The specialist was extremely pleasant & helpful & caring.  She has started me off on 2 topical super strong prescriptions & has referred me to an ongoing specialist which I should hear from in the next few months.  In the meantime, I feel like I am at least doing something to work on the menacing spots.  The spots on my arms have begun to fade & that is a positive even though the ones on the legs are being especially stubborn.  It is a start at least & I am grateful for that.  Back to the Distillery District.  If you are not familiar with this area & find yourself in the Toronto, Ontario area, I encourage you to visit that area.  It is a wee gem in the heart of Toronto.  It will come as quite a delightful surprise to you.  You may want to search the history of the area in advance via internet.  It is very interesting.  Basically, the area was the hugest distillery in the world in the 1800’s.  When the distillery was going to shut down in the 1990’s, the distillery buildings were purchased & restored to remain in the 1800’s period.  It is like stepping back in time.  There is a great deal of unique shopping & several cafes that remind me of a time long ago.  It was exactly my cup of tea complete with European like cobble stone areas.  It is breath taking.  After my specialist appointment, my husband & I stopped at a small café & enjoyed tea & delicious homemade pastries at a wee round table outside in the area within the cobblestone walkway area.  The area was bursting with life & gentle excitement.  My way of thinking is basically that if I have to have these menacing red spots that at least an adventure that I would not have otherwise had occurred.  It is just a new way of looking at things that works for me.

There is a group that I love sharing time with usually a couple times a week that I have missed profoundly.  For the past month in particular I have had so many medical appointments that I had not seen these Dear Hearts for nearly 4 full weeks.  Today, I was determined to see them.  I did & it was quite a surprise when I arrived & found out that a tea party had been arranged for everyone to just have a gentle hour as well which we had not done before.  I felt super grateful for all these Dear Hearts & we all felt such joy catching up with one another & not rushing like we usually do.  There was such a magnified feeling of appreciation for these friends since it had felt like the medical appointments had stood in the way of getting together for quite a while.  The great thing though was that it felt like no time had passed at all & we just naturally picked up from where we left off as if we had just been together yesterday. I simply joked about the red spots & we all laughed & I took myself very lightly today which felt freeing.

Last night, I got all hooked up to my new insulin pump.  Five years sure goes by in a blink of an eye.  Since I am a really sentimental person, I felt a little like I was saying goodbye to a trusted friend by retiring my blue insulin pump & welcoming a black one.  I realize that it is not really goodbye though but rather, kind of a tuck in with the knowledge that should any gliches occur with my brand new pump that my blue one is waiting in the wings all ready to have my back in the form of a back up.  That is big time peace of mind!  Today, I was proudly introducing my new pump to my friends.  I could not help myself.  It is difficult to contain natural enthusiasm right?  My new insulin pump has been named by me already.  May I introduce you to Angus!  It is a good sturdy Scots’ name that should suit the feisty determination of this gal.  Angus will help with the heavy lifting that my pancreas decided to bow out on in November 2007.  Okay, Angus, we’ve got this!

What’s the best way to attract people to us in the form of new friendships?  Do we go out into the world with that purpose in mind?  If we do, how does that work out for us?  We each answer that question for ourselves.  My experience is that if I go out into the world with an anything can happen, adventure type spirit & just be enthusiastic & genuine me with no agenda then wonderful wee surprises just happen on their own.  It is really simple I have found to welcome new friends by simply being one first.  Today, our oldest son went to the orthodontist’s office to get his braces off.  Yay!  It has been 2 years so I am super happy for him.  While I was in the waiting room, a natural conversation was struck up with another mom waiting for her son who was just starting the process of having braces.  We were complete strangers yet after about 5 minutes & several “me too’s” we were talking nonstop & laughing big time.  We each left with a new friend & that was a very cool surprise.

You will have your own experiences in life that you just may also decide to turn into adventures.  Or you may make a decision to take a break from the heaviness by adding levity in different forms into your life.  Have you noticed though that when you are feeling an especially heavy heart it feels more difficult to add the levity & give yourself a gentle act of care?  I know this is the case for me.  What do we do about this?  We each answer that question for ourselves.  To share with you what works for me, the key that I have found to that answer is in having a list of gentle levity activities, reminders and things that bring a smile to my face already ready.  I did my list up years ago & I just add to as ideas come to mind.  The list was done up during a time when I was feeling especially brave, strong, determined, joy-filled & when I had a tip top big time positive attitude.  I know that if I tried to think up ideas of levity when I am going through a struggle that is weighing me down that I would not have an easy time coming up with a list.  The best time for me at least to do the list up was at a time when I felt on top of the world.  I did up the list at that point knowing that life is not lived on a straight line & I would need that list all ready when needed.  We are each beautiful originals so perhaps you have a different idea that would work better for you & that’s exactly right.  No matter what I am going through in life I try my very best to begin the day with a thankful heart & end the day that way too.  It does not mean that I don’t come across difficult people & situations, but rather I know that it is my decision as to whether or not I let those unfortunate negative situations overshadow my gratitude.  My feisty determined spirit answers, no one gets to have that power over me.

My heart’s hope for you is that you find the list of activities & battle warrior supporters who will help you to give yourself a gentle break in a way that will best nurture you when you need it.

Smiles,

Saundie :)

May you have a week of gentle, purposeful release from the heaviness that can weigh us down at times & replace it with everything that big time nurtures your whole self.  Next Monday's story is "The Best of Humanity."   :D