Pathways to Kindness

Have you ever had the delight of either seeing an English garden either in person or in photographs?  The ones that I have seen in both forms have been breath taking.  The images of the beautiful gardens remain in your memory & that’s a great thing!  One of the gardens that my husband & I had the enjoyment of seeing was on the West Coast of Canada.  We were honeymooning in British Columbia & it was absolutely incredible to experience the gardens & of course the high teas.  Sometimes, both could be combined at once & this was utopia to this tea addict!

The garden that left a special place in my heart was one that I can picture to this day although we did not take an actual photo of it.  Some beautiful times travel with us through our whole lives.  As we walked hand in hand through that garden, we took it all in.  It was a circular garden & that warmed my heart.  The circle is such a symbol of love & being on our honeymoon just made it that much more impactful. 

All these years later, I still think of that garden.  Perhaps there are places that you find remain with you as you too enjoy that many chapters of your life.  Some experiences remain with us in a beautiful way.  That feels exactly right.  Gardens can remind us of friendships in many ways, don’t you think?  With both friendship & gardens, we need to plant a seed of kindness to grow them.  Friendships blossom in different ways just like our gardens yet each needs nurturing, appreciation & time shared together.  Most of us would agree that we would all love an instant beautiful garden upon waking up like from a dream.  In real life though, it is not likely to manifest itself that way.  In order to enjoy a beautiful garden, we have to give something to the garden long before we see the magnificence within it.  Some gardens can take years to realize our efforts yet in time, it becomes an amazing place of enjoyment to us.

Oft, we have heard it said that in order to have a friend, we must first be a friend.  Yikes, that is true yet that may remind us of the garden.  And we may ask ourselves what it means to be a friend to someone else.  We may extend ourselves in friendship & find that friendship takes time.  In growing up years, it seems like it can be pretty natural making friends.  Somewhere along the way to adulthood, things seem to have gotten kind of complicated (if we let it).  Perhaps we don’t want to be the one introducing ourselves first because it can feel uncomfortable.  The thing is though that others may be feeling the exact same way.  If we don’t reach out first & be a friend first then it could be a little like hoping to have a beautiful garden yet failing to go & get & plant any seeds. 

If we have diabetes or another 365 challenge, we may find comfort & understanding& belonging in making friendships with others who share this challenge too.  We always appreciate & cherish & keep our current friendships yet we add friends as well over time.  It is not always easy finding friends within a circle of folks that have the same challenge as we do. 

In sharing with you, I remember vividly our family moving to the area that we are blessed to reside in now.  That move was almost 7 years ago.  Once we finished unpacking the boxes & getting settled in, my very next thought was that I could not wait for our little boys & my husband & I to make some friends in the area.  I am a bit of a joiner so I joined several groups right away & hoped to make some friends right away within those groups.  When friendships did not seem to click within those initial groups, I felt sad & wondered what was taking so long.  Frankly, I had joined groups that I did not feel comfortable being myself within.  That was a telltale sign that I was off course.  Our Dear Heart Godparents often would encourage me to just be myself & that over time genuine friendships would bloom.  Just like in our gardens, making friends takes time & patience too.  Over time, I took my focus off of finding friends & just living life to the fullest every day, doing the next right thing & seeing what the day would bring.  And I found ways naturally to give back to our community in various ways with no expectation…just giving for the sake of giving.  Ah, I did not realize at the time that that was a metaphorical planting of the seeds.  Somehow along the way, friendships have bloomed & there are no words to express how much of a blessing old & new friends are each & every day.  Along the way, friendships have grown in our diabetes communities too.  I don’t succeed in being the one to reach out my hand first everywhere I go yet most of the time, it works out that way.  Especially, when I see someone that is new to a community group that I belong to, I make a point of getting to know that person right away.  My heart’s hope is that that person has at least one instant friend because I know how it feels to feel on the outside looking in when moving to a new area.  This may sound a wee bit strange yet I think it made me a better friend having had that initial struggle to make new friends when we first moved here.  The reason I say that is that that experience gave me an even deeper compassion & awareness for other folks who may be feeling a wee bit left out.  It is a guidepost to remember always to notice others that are standing or sitting by themselves & go over & let them know that they are not only not invisible but better than that, they are welcomed.  We can take these experiences in life & turn them into something to give as a gift to someone else.  That seems like the definition of being a friend first versus wanting to have a friend.  We get to grow these friendships & that is one of the most cherished gifts in this world.  And it is just right that we receive friendship best by giving first. 

In bringing the beautiful picture of that circular English garden back into focus, friendship is a breath taking circle too.  Circles have no end & are capable of expanding to infinity.  When a new friend joins the circle, the circle grows as we walk side by side through all of life’s journeys. 

My heart’s hope is that you are the one that reaches out your hand in friendship often or find the hand of a Dear Heart extending their hand in friendship to you.  May the circle of your friendships be ever increasing.

Smiles, Saundie  :)

May your pathways all lead to wonderful & genuine friendships all week long every week.  Next Monday's sharing is "Detours to Now."  :)