False Negative

(As a prelude to this writing, I will share with you that my heart has been big time heavy due to the loss of a very Dear Friend ( and huge encourager within many diabetes communities) & my heart was really instead dedicated to writing  of her beautiful story which I  have completed & will share with you next Monday.) 

Do you sometimes over ride your gut feelings/intuition/hunches?  How does that usually work out?  With an exclamation mark I answer those questions for myself with, “yes” & “badly!”  Although it is still very much a work in progress, this rascal is trying more diligently to not over ride my gut feelings but instead to act on them as well.  With practice, I have found that I have gotten much better at this.  Things can really boil down to the simplicity of “if it feels wrong it likely is.”  We all have an inner voice yet how much do we trust it? 

Have you experienced some form of false negative?  Maybe it turned into good news or maybe not such welcome news.  I will share with you that I have had both.   Let’s start with the false negative that turned out to be one of the most beautiful treasures of my life.  Like many gals, each time I was expecting one of our sons, I had that “feeling” already yet wanted that verification in the form of a test.  I remember taking an at home pregnancy test with our oldest son as well as our second born son & the tests coming back quickly with positives.  Often you will hear the saying, “the third time is the charm” yet maybe it was not to be as far as trusty results with the at home pregnancy test the third time.  ( over 8 years ago)  I remember having that feeling that a new life was growing  but  seeing the results come back immediately with a negative.  It felt like it just was not right.  I don’t mean that in the sense of denial.  It was my intuition or gut feel that was super strong & kept telling me that the test somehow had to be wrong.  Our oldest son & youngest son were both miracle surprises & our middle son is our planned miracle.  My heart has lived even more on the outside with the welcoming of each of these beautiful blessings.  If you are a parent you will know exactly how this feels too.  A couple of days after the false test result, my husband & our 2 sons & I went away on a planned celebration for a weekend for Matt for his 7^th birthday to Niagara Falls.  Our sons, Matt & Brian had a blast taking in the sights there.  The highlight for Brian was going to the Hershey’s factory since he is our “sugar bear” with the sweet tooth.  We had to intervene when he was about to try to take a bite out of the giant Hershey kiss mascot since he was convinced that it was a real chocolate.  Matt “marveled” at the huge Spiderman & Green Goblin on the side of one of the buildings.  Best of all, Matt loved seeing his name posted on the VIP list for the morning of his birthday at the inn we were staying at for all the guests to see with a “happy birthday Matt R.”  He smiled the hugest smile & it warmed our hearts.  All 4 of us let the child within us come alive when we enjoyed dinner at the Rainforest Café with the entertainment of all the jungle animals.  My husband asked me if I would like a glass of wine with dinner & I said that I could not.  I could not because my heart of hearts told me that even though I had received a negative test that I was certain without a doubt that a new little love was going to be joining our family against the odds.  Not long after that birthday weekend celebration I made an appointment with my family doctor to have that test repeated.  Sure enough, the test came back positive.  I was grateful that I had trusted my gut feeling.  8 months later we welcomed our third son (Alex-gator is his nickname) to our family & the noisy love story continues. 

The false negative that has proven to be an example of the second type (negative false negative…well for mathies I guess that means 2 negatives make a positive) is very recent.  For the past 6 weeks I have caught one virus or something like that after the other.  It has been so frustrating.  This is the second I will pause to yell at my less than stellar autoimmune system to “cut it out already!”  Wake up autoimmune system & do something.  I am not asking my pancreas to do anything… however I am wondering where the rest of the defenses against the viruses that go around from winter to early spring are within my immune system.  I had made it all the way to March Break without even a cold & then rats, my luck has gone downhill from there & all the bugs that were going around seem to have come at me one after the other.  This is not going to be a woe is me story though.  I feel  run down however as feisty & rascally as ever.   My blood sugars have been even more all over the map over the last 6 weeks & although that comes as less than a surprise, it is frustrating because these are the numbers that carry the most weight on my current A1C which has now been sent to my Endo. appointment in time for our next appointment which is today.  If you have type 1 diabetes you will know what I mean when I am saying that I am conflicted about going to this appointment to find out my A1C results.  There is that part of me that is ever hopeful that somehow my results will be within my goal range.  The realist within me though knows that the numbers are just that, cold, hard numbers.  The numbers don’t care if you have been working your butt off to keep blood sugars in check even though you are battling anything extra on top of it.  Although there is a reason for what I think will be disappointing A1C result numbers, it really sounds like an excuse albeit it a truthful one for yet another crappy result.  Against all odds, I am hoping for below 7% however that is a long shot.  It is what it is.  Back to the latest of the bugs going around that my autoimmune system has said yes to taking on.  During the week of April 13^th on top of the excruciating abdominal pains I came down with a brutally sore throat.  Immediately my gut feeling was that it was the strep throat.  I did reason with myself though for 4 days telling myself that every sore throat is not the strep so I sucked it up.  Finally after 4 days I went to the walk in clinic which I talked about last week in my story about medical tests.  As I had mentioned, the rapid strep throat swab came back negative.  I was very relieved.  My skin however disagreed with a vengeance.  A year ago I got strep throat for the first time in my life & it resulted in me receiving an unwelcome permanent souvenir in the form of another chronic illness which is psoriasis on top of the other chronic illnesses that I also have.   Psoriasis is the only 365 (chronic illness) that I have that is visible.  It is one that also has the capacity to go into remission so I have been working my butt off for a full year trying to do just that & I will not give up on that happening ever.  It is just a matter of when not if.  The psoriasis that I experience goes through a multitude of stages at times almost clearing & at other times flaring & resulting in very bad days in terms of pain as well as ugliness.  Even after receiving the news from the walk in clinic that I did not have strep throat the psoriasis disagreed & flared & continues to flare painfully.  I decided a few days after receiving the false for  the strep test at the walk in to listen to my gut hunch as well as my skin & go to my family doctor.  The swab that they do for the strep is more accurate although the test results are not available for just over 2 days.  By this point I was really thinking that I did have the strep throat all along because my skin was flaring like mad & my taste buds were all but gone which I experienced last time I had strep & of course my throat was not getting better, etc.  Sure enough my doctor’s office called me on April 23^rd & told me that I do actually have strep throat.  I started immediately on an antibiotic.  I don’t do well at the best of times on antibiotics as I am allergic to penicillin so anytime I need to have an antibiotic prescribed it is something different.  Without fail each time I have some sort of funky reaction to the medication.  My track record in this regard remains intact.  This time around the reaction is one of extreme nausea which reminds me of around the clock morning sickness.  Gravol is currently my best friend.  You know already that the doctor always emphasizes that with antibiotics you have to take every last pill that has been prescribed.  That makes 10 -24 hour days then for the morning sickness like nausea so I am looking so forward to seeing that come to an end.  Even with this going on though I find countless things to be grateful for each & every day. 

Without hesitation I will say that no sickness whatsoever gets the last word in my life or in the lives of those that I love.  Sometimes life gives us false negatives.  Does our intuition guide us to double check the false negatives?  I think so.

My heart’s hope for you is that whether you find yourself facing false negatives or any other situation in life that you listen closely to the voice within you that we often call our intuition.  Maybe it is an angel whispering in our ear.  Listen to that voice.

Saundie

May you have a gentle week.  Next Monday's sharing is a dear love story.  Diabetes does not get the first, middle or last word for any of us...love always gets the last word. The story straight from my heart is  "Over the Lift Bridge."  xoxo Catch Battle Buddy