There are many things that may be desirable to ride like a surf board or water sport/recreational fun “thingy” or amusement park rides, rides in nice cars, or the train or a plane ride to somewhere you have been looking forward to visiting.  The common theme would be that any of those choices would be leading us in the direction of fun & enjoyment.

Everyone is a beautiful original so some of us will share the gravitation towards smoother waters literally & figuratively.  I love a smooth, glassy, clear lake as well as cascading waterfalls.  Both are magnificent.  There is beauty too though I have found within stormy waters.  When our family first moved to the area that we live within now, the day we moved there was a “100 year storm.”  We almost had a flood in the home we had just moved into within 24 hours. There is a pretty powerless feeling that comes over you when you see the waters rising in your sump pump & then discover that the sump pump is broken so mother nature is in charge of whether your new home is about to become a wading pool.  One thing that I do remember vividly though about that day was that I took a drive over to the other side of town for a coffee run.  On the way, I drove by Lake Ontario & was drawn to pull over as close as possible by the Lake & watch the water smash into the rocks with profound strength.  It was a picture for the memory bank.

One year after we moved into our home, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  My mind amongst other things went to the memory of the day that we moved in & I sat beside the powerful waves that stormy day.  If we believe that we are a part of Mother Nature too then we may be surprised by our own strength when something in life comes torrentially towards us.  As strong as those waves were hitting the rocks that day, with every fiber of my being, I know that I am as a whole person indescribably stronger.  My heart hopes that you know that you are too.  The sentence that my family doctor said to me when I was first diagnosed with type 1 was, “well that pretty much sucks!”  I did not expect her to say that but it was just right at that time.  What else really was there to say?  I already had the piles of forms & information & contact information regarding type 1 in one hand & our third son, a baby then in the other arm.  And I thought at the time, you know, I don’t know what this type 1 diabetes is going to be about but somehow when I need it the strength will be there.  That is not to say that it is because I am such a super strong person.  I am human.  The best part is that strength does not always come from within us but instead at times from the compassion of a friend or family member, acquaintances, and complete strangers.  As long as we are on the water analogy, I will share that I firmly believe that someone upstream as Maya Angelou says whose face we may never know can benefit someone else downstream through kind acts.  And we get to make this choice to do these acts of kindness for people as well downstream when we find ourselves upstream.  Even on the days that have been the biggest days of struggle, there has been strength that has come from somewhere.  What profound strength there is in the type 1 community.  It is like a group of warriors that may get knocked down but never knocked out & we always get back up every single time.  That is strength of spirit that goes way beyond what happens at times to our bodies.

To share with you, about a month ago in particular I had been riding the “s”___ storm tidal wave big time.  The moving target of type 1 was in force big time.  My blood sugar numbers were the most erratic that I had ever witnessed & then it turned into a tailspin of other physical difficulties acting up too.  It is like a domino effect when it spins out like that.  To make a long story short, my entire body became inflamed.  I had splints on my ankles, elbows, hands & the hot/cold packs strategically placed over most of my body.  There was mega pain to say the least.  This all started up when my blood sugars started riding the tidal wave out of what would appear to be nowhere.  Where they hit from though is I believe how our human  bodies tend to change over time,  & how we find this affects how much insulin we need & when.  It is a moving target at times though & I turned into a storm chaser this round.  Meanwhile life does not stop nor even slow down just because we are struggling with the “s” storm of blood sugars & inflammation.  How is it that it seems that when it rains it pours?  It could not have become a cliché unless there is a lot of truth in that statement don’t you think? 

When I was especially sick in the early stages of having type 1, I handled it one of two ways:  carry on in a denial type of state, or put on a stiff upper lip, smile & don’t let the world see the struggle.  When I found that neither of these things were serving me well as I felt unauthentic, I made a decision to simply be okay with being honest with people about the good or bad days with diabetes.  Hey, I am not talking about being a moaner about it.  Frankly, a lot of the time, I will tell people if I am taking a sick day & then make a joke & always end the sentence with words of hope.  Here’s a new one though this month & that is that when I did exactly that statement, I had a situation where an individual made a choice to pile on a tsunami on top of the storm.  You know when you watch a geographic area on television that is being bombarded by high flood waters?  You see the people in the area putting up sandbags around the edges of the water to keep the flood waters at bay.  That was how I found myself facing this newest challenge & that was to establish stronger boundaries.  If we tell someone that we are going through extreme erratic blood sugars & share our needs honestly & politely with someone & they choose to pile on stress onto us then thank goodness we can build our own sand bags around our own shores.  And frankly it was powerful to tell this person that I have boundaries of steel.  I try not to get fiesty too often yet there are some hills worth dying on as the saying goes.  I choose this hill big time. 

Most times, we receive compassion, support, care & love but every so often we are thrown something else.  It can be brutal dealing with a s storm on top of diabetes.  The thing that really brings things into perspective for me though is getting back to the nitty gritty.  That is asking myself what matters most.  It is about simplifying & discarding any drama that something external is trying to throw my way.  I don’t “do” drama.  Diabetes can be complicated yet other things in life don’t need to be I believe.  Drama at least to me equals stress which translates into high blood sugar so I say no thank you to that.  The best part of getting perspective back when we are in the eye of the storm is remembering that these type of storms are such a small part of day to day life.  The diabetes is a daily part of our life but negative external drama thrown at us by folks without our best interests at heart does not need to be embraced.  I find no personal meaning in that.  Instead, I choose to give myself the positive & gentle gifts of time shared with Dear Hearts & activities that give meaning not only to me but also provide a ripple on the waters through acts of kindness to others.  It has been a tough time but there is nothing like turning on the light when it becomes dark.  There are many lights in my life & I am profoundly grateful for these Dear Hearts.

My heart’s hope for you is that when the “s” storms hit in life that you have countless Dear Hearts who support, understand & love you & that they find ways to minimize the stress for you.  May there always be light for you.

Smiles, Saundie :)  

Perhaps it is the holidays that sometimes squeeze the storm-like behaviours of those around us...may you always have a lifeboat of a Battle Buddy for those times & next Monday's sharing is "Jolly, Messy, Feisty, Buble-Captioned Christmas Season"   :)                                                                                                                

Most of us will agree that it is an energizing feeling when we are cheered on & it can be draining if we are jeered.  It can take a vast amount of effort on our part to grow beyond both the external cheers and jeers to a place where we can just be okay no matter what.  Here’s my thought & that is that if someone is genuinely trying & not quitting then that’s a person that I celebrate.  Quitting anything can be the easiest thing in the world don’t you think?  Perhaps we sign up for a sport or other community group & not long after the program commences we find out that the program is not what we pictured it would be.  It does not mean that there is anything wrong with the program or us but rather that it is not a snug fit for us.  What do we choose to do with that realization?  Would it be easy to pack it in right away & quit?  We each answer that question for ourselves.  What I find is that for me if I signed on for 3 months, a year or another specific amount of time that I finish that commitment & then move on to something else that is a snug fit for me.  It is the same guiding principle that I share as a parent.  Our sons over the years have for instance tried a variety of sports.  Some of the sports they have found to not be for them.  They know that if they sign up for a season though that they have made a commitment, given their word for that timeframe & that quitting is not an option.  They finish out the season.  Perhaps you have had these experiences with yourself or your children as well.  Easy is not right in my mind & I have found that so often in life that doing what is right is usually more difficult at times yet so worth it.

Here’s a story to share with you about a recent experience of not giving up.  It is near & dear to my heart.  Our second born son, Brian is a joiner.  He likes to try new things & he usually has a picture in his mind’s eye of what the experience will be like.  At times, the experience does not match up to the picture in his mind.  He has always loved to run so this was an exciting year at school for him since it is the first year that he was old enough to join the cross country running team.  Several weeks ago he signed up for the first large cross country race.  It was a gorgeous Fall day outside & the race was located at a huge local provincial park.  The children & their parents got to walk the race course together prior to the race so that the children could become acquainted with the route prior to the actual race.  As Brian & I held hands & walked the course together, our Dear Heart son was beaming.  He had an expectation that this was going to be a fantastic experience.  He had been practicing for many weeks & it was all leading up to this first race.  He added that he felt nervous & that he did not want to let down his school team by running too slowly.  Brian shared with me that he felt that he was not a very fast runner.  He also said that he felt kind of nervous as well because a child on his team told him the day before that “you are definitely going to come in last & embarrass our school.”  I turned to Brian as we walked & said to him that the only way to come in last is not to finish the race.  I told him that every single person who finished the race was going to be a champion that day.  I told him that it did not matter what number he finished in but rather to focus on finishing the race.  I also reminded him that just because someone says something to us at times, it does not make what they have said true.  This is the case I believe whether we are being cheered or jeered.  We are neither good nor bad because someone says or thinks it about us or says it about us.   I will say that my heart hurt for our son though all the same that he had received those words from a teammate or anyone else.  I also wondered what we are teaching our youth.  Sportsmanship was not shining through that’s for sure.

The children had to run the race without any parent support.  I respect the rule & understand it.  There were a lot of participants.  Waiting for Brian at the finish line felt like time was standing still.  As an aside after briskly walking the course with Brian I went into hypoglycemia wouldn’t you know it even though I had turned my insulin pump settings to 10%!  Yikes, being in a crowd when trying to come out of low blood sugar that day was a challenge.  All that aside, the day was about Brian so I ate my way out of the low quickly & got to the finish line to watch for him.  Time went by & most of the runners had passed the finish line.  The crowd began to move away from the finish line & towards the area where the ribbons would be handed out.  The people that were still gathered at the finish line dwindled & dwindled.  I became worried that Brian was somewhere along the lengthy course feeling defeated & had potentially given up when he saw the many children passing him on the course.  Finally, Brian crossed the finish line with tears streaming down his beautiful face.  Then came the words from Brian of, “Mom, I came in last & lost the race.”  I hugged our son as tightly as I possibly could & said, “Brian, I am so proud of you son & sweetheart, you finished the race & that means that you are a champion.”  He looked at me & said, “I did not quit Mom even though it was hard.”  I told him I knew exactly what he meant & how proud I am of him.

At times we tell ourselves that we have failed or come in last & other times other people may tell us this.  We don’t have to listen nor believe these thoughts or words.  Sometimes we may each need a reminder from someone who loves us beyond words to light us back up with the truth.  It can be a challenge at times to not become attracted to feeling the need for others’ approval.  For me, I work at not depending on anyone’s approval one way or the other.  If I do the next right thing & I am condemned for it, it is still the right thing & if I make a poor decision & receive accolades for it, it was still a poor decision.  That’s how I look at it.  We all want to be liked yet not at the price of being addicted to hearing words of constant approval at least I find.  An alternate compass that I have found to be invaluable is the inner compass that simply tells me if I am doing the next right thing or if I need a course correction.  The truth is the truth.

Type 1 diabetes or other 365 health challenges may be teaching us daily that we need to finish each day’s race.  That simply means, that no matter whether it has been a brutally challenging day or a great day, we choose to not quit.  We can choose to lean on one another on the especially trying days & finish each day with a champion’s heart.  The thing I have noticed is that the people with the greatest challenges jump the highest hurdles & have profoundly beautiful & caring hearts that they just naturally share with the world.  There is a spirit of walking one another to the finish line each day. 

My heart’s hope for you is that every single day you know that you have at least 1 Battle Buddy who will walk you to the finish line.  I hope they are there with a hug the stuffing out of you hug & loving words & actions too!

Smiles,  Saundie  :)

May you feel your champion's heart every day & next Monday's sharing is "S Storm Tidal Wave!"  Although I love Christmas, I have found that with it comes often "stuff" that requires barriers of steel :)

Do you find that there are certain times of the year that you stop & take a step back & look at the past year or few months?  In a natural way, I found that I do just this twice a year:  in November & in February. 

Since it is November right now, my mind is doing an account of how things have been going since last February.  How do things look differently & how are things the same?  We may both be asking ourselves this question right now.

Every single person who knows me is very aware that November is Diabetes Awareness month.  You may find this to be true of you too if you have diabetes too.  What does November represent potentially?  It can bring up a myriad of feelings within us that’s for sure.  Perhaps we find ourselves remembering struggles throughout the year with our blood sugars & how this dominoes into other struggles.  Let’s face it, or call it exactly what it is & that is a 24-7 monkey on the back of sorts.  There’s no time off for “good behavior” & so often a person can do everything “right” & still get punishing blood sugar results.  The spiritual strength that I have built in the last 6 years surprises me.  The strength comes from so many sources including:  personal spiritual devotion, family support, compassion & caring from friends & Battle Buddies, from reading positive books, art & nature to name a wee list.

With my D-versary coming up this November 29^th, this year marks 6 years living with type 1 diabetes.  There have been days that have tested every bit of my strength yet there has always been enough strength even when I have questioned where it will come from.  A good part of it is that I don’t “go it alone” anymore.  I did try that early on in my diagnoses however let’s just say that it did not go well. That does not mean to say that others know if an especially trying day is happening.  They may or may not.  You know in army lingo, there are reserves.  Well, I believe in strength reserves.

What if I told you that with all my heart I believe that I was given the gift of strength reserves from family members who are no longer here on earth?  Have you experienced that unmistakable knowledge that someone was put on your path to give you the gift of example that will be with you always?  My heart hopes so.

November is a profound time of honour as it is the month that we each get to say a bold thank-you to our war veterans past & present for the sacrifice that they gave & give for us.  Although it is extremely difficult to imagine the sacrifice made for us, I try to find ways to honour our soldiers.  How would you feel if your Grandpa at age 18 somehow through immeasurable odds against this left letters written home during World War 1 & you got the gift of treasuring them always?  It is indescribable.  Three years ago, my Grandpa M’s letters from the war found their way to my Dad.  Although my Grandpa died when I was just 2 years old, there is a love that he left behind & wisdom & an endless fountain of strength that is the most beautiful gift.  You know you get to know someone pretty fast when you go through something huge together.  For instance, perhaps you go on a trip or adventure with someone or you press yourself in a marathon together & succeed.  That could not even hold a small candle to how it would be being in the trenches fighting in a war.  And I quickly “met” & got to know the core of my 18 year old Grandpa through his letters.  And it has come to me more times than I can count that if at 18 he could fight in a war, sustain injuries that impacted the rest of his life yet he kept the spirit of strength, determination & love of family then I can do this too.  For me, type 1 diabetes is a battle & yes, it is a constant battle but it is not a war.  Grandpa passed on enough strength for me to fight every single day & to realize that I am far more than my body or anything that is happening to it. 

One of Grandpa’s letters that had a bit of humour in it that I got a chuckle out of was his mention of going to tea & he included the age of the ladies & referred to them as “old dames”.  Those words made me laugh for many reasons.  First of all, the age he referenced was exactly the age I was as I read his letters.  Secondly, I needed to put this into perspective as he was writing as a teenager still.  Some things haven’t changed as I now find our sons referring to their parents as “old.”  And finally, I laughed because even with the living hell all around him, he found a way to give his sisters back home a wee laugh.  And it would be remiss of me if I did not say that he merely mentioning tea makes me smile.

My grandpa has sent strength to every single person in my family in exact ways that we each needed.  When I was almost 3 years old, my Dad was in a terrible car accident.  He was thrown from the car & sustained critical injuries.  He was found by a fisherman.  For sure Grandpa sent that fisherman.  Grandpa was a fisherman through & through & had a passion for fishing.  Our youngest son is passionate too about fishing & now he goes with his Grandpa, my Dad.  I believe that my Grandpa looked over my Dad as he healed from the car accident.  And he gave him strength.  And my Dad does not complain yet I am acutely aware that he sustained injuries in his early 20’s that have remained with him through his whole life too.  But like my Grandpa, he lives the knowledge that he is so much more than a physical being.  To say that I am profoundly proud of Grandpa & my Dad is a huge understatement.  I remind myself daily that I come from that stock of strength. 

Several times, I have had the joy of sharing stories of my Grandpa Brown too & it is a lifelong honour to be one of his grandchildren.  Grandpa Brown courageously faught in WW2.  He retained the nickname "Sarge" when he returned home & everyone called him this with a grin as large as Grandpa's.  I had the blessing of seeing the example of a courageous, strong, humourous, kind, hard working, compassionate person that my Grandpa was for 13 years.  In those years, he could not have known the impact that he would leave in the living legacy of love.  He taught through humble example rather than words.  I think that Grandpa could see a developing intensity within me & he found ways to help me to see that not everything was representative of the sky falling.  Here’s an example.  When I was in grade 1, somehow when it was time to go to library class, rather than go from one building to the one next door, I kept walking all the way to my babysitter’s house at 10 in the morning.  When I realized that I had “broken out of school” by mistake, I was turning myself inside out.  As soon as Grandpa heard about this happening he laughed & laughed until it became contagious, lifted me up onto his knee & simply said, “forget about it Saundie.”  That I think was the beginning of a lifelong lesson that Grandpa instilled in me of keeping perspective, laughing at my human mistakes, rejecting the dramatic approach to life & realizing that some things are simply not worth worrying about.  Grandpa taught me the grace of absolutely seeing things for what they were & he set me on a straight path of living out my life based on what matters most.  He got “it” because he had it.  Grandpa was comfortable everywhere he went & he made everyone laugh big time.  The cool thing about Grandpa was that he was humourous yet wise, humble, gentle & sensitive at the same time.  Just a wink from him made you feel like as Grandpa would say, “the bee’s knees!”  Grandpa taught me in a very special way that I can choose my thoughts that I can choose to laugh at myself, to be absolutely comfortable being myself and that there is strength in all of these things.  My heart was absolutely safe with him & I am smiling right now as I picture him smiling.  He was a joyful person & it rubbed off big time.

November.  November is a month that is one of incredible gratitude most of all for the honour of standing on the shoulders of these Dear Heart Giants of heroes that I proudly call Grandpa M & Grandpa B.  Yes, November also marks 6 years with type 1 diabetes.  I think that was no ironic happening somehow.  There is no way that I would be diagnosed with this & not be also provided with the strength in body & spirit to “do battle” with diabetes & win.  After all, I received strength from 2 soldiers.

My heart’s hope is that you also know that you have a profound reserve of strength.

Smiles, Saundie :)

This was an especially heartfelt honour to share both Grandpa's & the legacy of strength & love that lives on forever.  May you have such sources of strength too in your life always.  Next Monday's sharing is "Finishing the Race Amongst Cheers & Jeers."  :)

Words carry power.  They can build up or they can tear down potentially.  How about words that carry different connotations to various audiences?   What about times when we have either heard a sentence & thought to ourselves, “I don’t think I heard that correctly” or “no way did that person just say that!”  Then there are the times that we may have spoken words that we wish we could press the rewind button on. 

Most of us teach our children early on that there are some words that are prized like “please” and “thank-you.”  We may consider these words foundational and exceptional building blocks of community building & respect for our life journeys.  The word “please” becomes a respectful baseline of working together with others.  “Thank-you” represents daily gratitude.  Those words are keepers!  They are words that cannot be outworn & are just as fresh to hear & use as an adult as the time the words were introduced to us in childhood. 

If we are a parent, we may reminisce upon the list of first words spoken by our children.  Hearing the words “Da Da” or “Momma” is magical to parents.  As a funny aside, our oldest son, Matt shared those first words with us as well.  Quickly followed by those words were the phrases “a bee, a bee, a bee”, “clock”, and “it’s a secret mission.” When Matt was 4 years old, every night he would hold my hand as we ascended the stairs to his room for sleep time.  Each night, Matt would say the same thing to me as we went up the stairs.  It was always, “we are going on a secret mission!”  He has always had a creative & wonderful sense of humour.  It brings a smile to my heart to remember these precious growing up years with our sons.  The words that they each learned & gravitated towards have been & continue to be exciting.  Each of our sons has learned that we all have choice over our words & that some words have the power to hurt & others to heal.  There are times when each one of us stumble & say something that we wished that we had not.  That is where an apology without an excuse is the finest antidote that I can think of personally.  Why is it that an apology for some folks seems to require an anti-chocking first aide Maneuver?   We so often hear the phrase that “none of us are perfect” or “we are only human” or “that is human.”  There appears however to be a “disconnect” between admitting that the human being is not perfect & offering healing words & action when we stumble.  I have learned along the way that if I choose to quiet my ego that beyond the ego there is a place where humility lives.  It takes humility to admit that we have stumbled in the choice of some words & offer that genuine apology…the one that is not followed up quickly with rationale or excuses for why we said what we said. 

Okay, Saundie, what has lead to these thoughts about words & their associated connotations?  Has anyone noticed that some words seem to be being over used to the point where they have become meaningless?  The one that I find absurd these days is the word, “special.”  This word can be used to describe something especially wonderful or unique or it could be employed in a sarcastic or passive aggressive manner to potentially tear something or someone down.  There is a comedy sketch by George Carlin that speaks to the over use of the word “special” in reference to children.  He points out that children are constantly being referred to as each being “special.”  He goes on to ask the question, “at what age do people stop being special?”  He asks whether as adults we hear the tendency to label grownups as “special.”  Often within humour, there is a wee bit of truth don’t you find?  Do I think children are amazing?  Yes I do…big time!  Do I think adults are sensational as people too?  Of course & I add, big time to that too!  How would I choose to describe children and adults instead of “special?”  My natural answer is “beautiful originals!” 

What is the “D” word then?  Wait for it, wait for it…  Are you expecting me to say diabetes?  Surprise!  The “D” word is “different!”  What if I told you that I used that word recently with a child intake worker & she nearly jumped out of her chair with denial that anyone is different?  It was a strange moment.  It was in reference to behavior.  Can we each have different behaviours?  I hope so.  If we are not part of what would be the parallel world of the Borg in a Star Trek episode, then can we be okay with the word, “different” & consider alternative words to the word, “special?”  We each get to answer that question for ourselves.  What I am wondering about though is how does one get to be special without being different.  It is like there is this bizarre message that we are meant to be special yet at the same time the same as everyone else.  Hmm, that sounds strange to me personally.  Many times throughout my life, I have found myself in the position of being an “outlier.”  It has meant that I was thinking differently or doing something differently than the majority of folks.  By George, even my type 1 diagnosis as an adult again put me in the “outlier” category.  My passionate conviction is that I would much rather be “different” aka “an original” than “special” in a same kind of way. 

The individual that I mentioned that was “squirrelly” with her reactions to the word “different” went on to declare that special did equate to being the same as everyone else.  I challenged this by suggesting that each one of us can take our different or original gifts & offer these to others in a powerful positive way.  She could not quite figure me out with my “there is no box” thinking.  Did I mention the word, “outlier?”  Ha! Ha!  These kinds of interchanges don’t really faze me much anymore.  Perhaps they can at times even act as a barometer that I am on the right path for me.  Maybe you can relate to this too.  If there was a bubble caption above the lady’s head, she would have replaced the word “different” about me with the word “strange” it would seem.  Have you had that experience?  Are you okay with that?  We each answer that question for ourselves.

I am not expecting the majority of people to find the taste of tea that was originally picked by monkeys to be bliss to them.  We each have different tastes.  As our youngest son, 6 years old says, “That’s the way God made me” when he explains why he likes something & not something else.  That warms my heart to hear him say this as if it is the most natural thing in the world to say & know.  We get to ask ourselves if we want to be “special” or “spectacular originals.”  Do we want to have a good day, good life or a great day & life?  There is a difference most of us would see right away.  In my mind there is a huge difference between being different for the sake of being different & being naturally accepting of ourselves as “genuine originals.”  The first I would argue as unnatural & the latter is the most natural thing in the world. 

Here’s another thought.  If we busy ourselves on being the opposite of different, then who is going to be left to make a beautiful difference within our world?  How would you answer that question?  The answer just may be the beautiful differences that have been & will continue to be made in the world will be by people with the courage & esteem to admit & embrace being different or sensational originals.

My heart’s hope for you is that you take the root part of the word “difference” & let that spirit within you knock the socks off this world in a beautiful way!  Original you is something that the world has never seen or will see again.  And let’s all take a page out of wee Alex’s book & declare in the spirit of being beautiful originals, “that’s the way God made me!”

Smiles,  Saundie :)

May your whole week be full of original moments & next week's sharing is "On The Shoulders of Giants'...a very dear to my heart sharing of my 2 Grandpas :)

Life can be full of paradoxes for us at times.  They may feel like paradoxes yet it is my heart’s belief that if we step back & take a good look at our lives that we see these experiences differently.

For a minute, let’s think about times in our lives when we have felt super comfortable or within our absolute comfort zone or happy with the way things are going.  We may want to stop the clock & hold on to these times in our lives.  They may be memories of profoundly joy-filled times in our lives.  It could be graduating or scoring at a sporting event, winning something, celebrating a wedding, or the birth of a child.  As much as we try to will the time to stand still it is not a possibility currently.  And days pass & not too much may look different yet days turn into weeks & months & years.  And if we have somehow landed on the “gerbil wheel” of having more hours of stuff to do on our to do lists than hours in the day then we just may be baffled at what happened to bring us to that spot.  Over time though, we may find ourselves way outside either our comfort zone or anywhere near where or who we want to be. 

The greatest paradox that has created a soft landing to where I am right now is type 1 diabetes.  You may share this experience too whether you have type 1, another 365 challenge or another challenge.  Out of the struggle with type 1, the lid flew off my life.  And do you know why that happened?  It is because we can choose to let the lid fly off in a great way.  Although I have been working diligently on building more patience within myself, the area that I confess that I have a negligible amount of patience with is complaining & then not being part of the solution.  What is that all about?  I personally don’t get the pay off on that one.  Complaining for the sake of complaining is to me a choice to stay stuck in misery.  Who wants that for themselves or someone they love?  For sure, venting is healthy & that is quite a different matter I believe versus mere complaining.  If we are venting, we may be seeking the solution so it is a pathway to the changing of something.  On especially challenging days with type 1, I have Dear Heart Battle Buddies that I am thankful to be able to safely vent in an unabridged way.  At the end of the vent, it just naturally comes out of me either a humourous line or a strength declaration like diabetes does not own me or get the last word ever.  I am not my diabetes & you & I are way more than diabetes or any other challenge.  Some days stink big time.  The days where blood sugars are doing the happy dance, I feel amazing & get more living packed into those days than I used to have in a month before I had diabetes.  Of course I did not want diabetes & I don’t want it for anyone nor any 365 challenge.  The paradox is that when we look at some of the shining champions in the world, they are often people that jumped monumental barriers to leap over their struggles & make a difference in the world.  Perhaps the struggle propels us to become more fully alive.  My heart hopes so.  I know with all my being that this is what happened to me.

Diabetes has brought out the comfort in me.  It is great to not have to worry about finding a spot in life to land in a comfort zone anymore & want to make time stand still.  My comfort zone travels with me & it is timeless.  My heart’s hope is that you are finding this to be true for you too.  Prior to diabetes I held back from putting myself fully out there in life.  I dialed down my humour, enthusiasm, and more.  I found myself trying to blend in more & surely not rock the boat.  And I felt frustrated mostly with myself when I did that.  We are not meant to blend in.  We are meant to use up every single ounce of our abilities, talents & love in our own way.  And I knew this all along so that just made it feel all the more of juxtaposition.  When people on our pathway in life either suggest that we blend in or behave a certain way, we get to ask ourselves what that person’s motivation is.  And we get to ask whether they are the role models that we want championing our lives.  My belief is that someone who is championing us will encourage us to live our lives with an exclamation mark.  Diabetes has had a way of magnifying everything in my life.  It has magnified love, high energy days, humour, care, compassion, standing up for what is right, being free to stand alone when it is for the greater good, the importance of forgiveness, giving my heart to others in my sentimental way,  being unapologetically me and everything, everything, everything else!  If our lives had an exclamation mark button how great would it be to go ahead & wear that exclamation mark out!

To share with you, recently I found myself driving back from an adventure one Saturday afternoon.  I found myself in an area of town where I was going to need to wait for about 15 minutes.  A mentor of mine taught me early on in my career to always carry a book with me everywhere.  This was great advice.  It was at a time when I did a lot of driving for work & many times either weather or traffic conditions offered up delays & having a book made a huge difference.  Although I carry a book to this day with me everywhere I go, on this particular Saturday, I found myself pulling over, parking & letting my sociology background flourish.  During studies, we called “people watching” field research, so let’s call it that on a humourous note.  I was parked near a church & there was a wedding that had just been celebrated.  The guests began to come out to their cars.  I smiled on this happy occasion for the family & friends & the couple that I will never know.  What impressed upon me the most was the amount of fidgeting, displays of discomfort & people showing just how much outside their comfort zones they were.  I thought to myself that this seemed like quite a paradox.  Here all these people had gathered for one of the most joy-filled celebrations & yet the feeling in the air was one of tremendous discomfort, pasted on smiles & people not looking at one another for the most part.  There’s a very good chance that folks became more at ease once they were at the reception hall.  My thought though all the same was & is that wouldn’t it be more natural, more joy-filled & peaceful if each person simply transported their comfort zone with them. 

My heart’s hope for you is that you bring your comfort zone along with you everywhere & add in an exclamation mark for your life. May your life fit you like a glove!   After all, both of these things pack lightly yet make a beautiful difference!

Smiles, Saundie :)

Love out loud this day, this week, this month...yes especially in November as it is Diabetes Awareness Month & go ahead & repeat the other 11 months of the year.  Make November a blue exclaimation mark!  Next Monday's sharing is, "Uh O, It's the "D" Word!" (and the D word is not diabetes!)     :)

Have you had some years in your life that are especially full of struggle?  In most likelihood you have.  They are the years that perhaps were ones that you experienced loss or one trial after the other with few breaks.

There are two personal philosophies that I live by.  They are:  don’t compare my life/struggles to someone else’s & don’t make excuses.  Everyone is a beautiful original so our friendship remains intact whether we agree with one another’s philosophies or not.  Take type 1 diabetes as an example.  My struggles with type 1 are different from other people’s struggles.  Just because we all have a disease by the same name does not mean that we are fighting the same fights day in & day out.  Then there are other 365 challenges that I would not dream of comparing my situation to.  It just does not lead to any positive outcome I have found comparing challenges.  Instead, I find that it is incredible to choose to feel & behave compassionately towards others because it is the right thing to do.  Excuses are a personal pet peeve of mine.  It is a little like complaining for the sake of complaining.  It seems that all roads lead back to caving in on ourselves if we choose to reside in the land of complaining & making excuses & turning ourselves into victims versus the hero of our own lives.

Some of the strongest people that I know have either type 1 or another 365 health challenge.  Were we strong before our health challenges or did we build the strength after our challenges?  We each answer that question for ourselves yet I believe that the answer is both. 

My nature is to be enthusiastic, positive & determined.  Type 1 diabetes tried to kick my butt in 2013 in different ways than I had encountered over the past 6 years.  Many diabetes kicks have been irritations, perturbations, pokes, agitations, annoyances & bafflements.  Let’s face it, when we can take action over certain things regarding our challenges, it gives us opportunity. When things are external & truly are outside our control then we may find ourselves trying to live the “Serenity Prayer.”  Like so many other Battle Buddies who also have type 1 diabetes, I will never surrender to this disease.  Type 1 does not get the last word & it does not get to run or take over my life.  It can kick me even to the ground however I will get back up every single time.  It would be inaccurate to say that 2013 was the most difficult year with type 1 for me.  It has however been the most annoying, most strength building, feistiness building & really the year that I have decided in October to declare an early good bye to.  That’s right, the calendar says 2013 however I have decided to welcome 2014 early!  Have you heard the saying, “death by a thousand cuts?”  That is what comes to mind when I think of 2013 living with type 1.  That is just the diabetes side of 2013.  Please don’t get me wrong, the year is not about diabetes since there was so much more to the year & to life in general.

When we talk to one another it does not take long to hear that other people have those kind of years where it is a series of annoyances consecutively & the feeling of being poked at like a bear.  The great thing is that we get to choose how we are going to react to this type of series of pokes.  We essentially do all that we can “about” the agitations & then we do something “with” them.  Diabetes wise in 2013, I had the misfortune of purchasing 10 boxes of 100 test strips that were defective.  To my knowledge, I have not experienced that before.  10 boxes represents to me 3 months of testing.  For those months, I did not know if I was coming or going.  In other words the test may have said that I had a blood sugar of 6.4 but I really had a 3.  It took me a long while to come to the conclusion that the test strips were defective.  For all those weeks, I was riding the blood sugar roller coaster & getting metaphorical whiplash.  It was an eye opener because I had really trusted technology perhaps to a fault. Anyhow, that came to an end when I finally got to the bottom of the problem & that is water under the bridge.  I learned a little something more about myself & trusting my gut.  On a positive aside note, 2013 was the year that I finally sought extra help with a complication that I have been dealing with for 3 years.  Yay!  That was a process though understandably.  It was a situation where it took 7 weeks of treatment whereby I was sicker than ever to reach feeling better.  Thank goodness though for determination because had I given up over those 7 weeks, I would not have found resolution to that health difficulty.  It did mean though that the 7 weeks that I was sicker than ever were the summer months.  The stiff upper lip came in handy over the summer.  The thing that has gritted me the most about 2013 regarding diabetes is the nonsense that occurred with our insurance provider.  It is no secret that many individuals have hurdles with his or her insurance providers when it comes to covering our medications or life sustaining devices.  For the past 3 months, negotiations (that is a polite way of putting it) have been going on with my insurance provider.  I am not naïve to tactics used when it comes to companies saving funds.  Being fiscally responsible is understandable.  Using techniques however on folks who have chronic illness who rely on their medications to sustain life is quite another.  The company tried many tactics with my claim over the past 3 months.  I will not even get into the specifics but suffice to say that I built some muscles in the battle.  10 days ago, the company finally re-established coverage of my testing strips in accordance with my insulin pump & Endo’s standards.  Had I given up, I would be in a pickle so to speak.  Giving up was not an option.  It was exhausting, tedious, required several extra appointments with my Endo, jumping through ridiculous hoops but in the end it is resolved.  Whew, though, enough already.

Yesterday morning was my scheduled trip to the blood lab in preparation for next week’s appointment with my Endocrinologist to get those dreaded A1C results.  What are they going to look like I wonder.  Will the stress, pressures & what has been going on tell a number story in the results.  Of course they will.  I accept that.  I work profoundly diligently at my diabetes health management so I am not going to beat myself up.  I am also not going to give any excuses.  I will simply supply the truth so that the numbers make sense without excuses or dramatic effect.  I will try to do it with humour & hope & strength.

The final straw of deciding to bide 2013 adieu was yesterday.  I walked the diabetes plank yesterday.  I woke up in the morning with an 18.3 & then spent 5 hours giving & assessing insulin corrections & of course dreaming of drinking most of the contents of Lake Ontario!  Finally though, my blood sugars started to come into range.  Unfortunately after lunch, my sugars feel into hypoglycemia.  I treated them & well I overtreated them because it is sometimes more of a challenge to stop from eating during some hypoglycemic episodes.  At least 95% of the time, I take a premeasured portion for correcting but yesterday I dove into the pre-bought Halloween candy.  That was a bad idea but it was delicious I will admit.  The consequences though stunk.  I ended up going back up to 15.  Then several hours of correcting, assessing, testing brought me to 10.  By that time it was dinner time.  I took a minuscule correction that normally would have had the desired effect to bring me to a beautiful 6.  Not last night though as it brought me into the dreaded 2’s range instead.  That was beyond unexpected.  So I ate my way out of that one & 4 hours later I was thrilled to see a gorgeous 6.1 on my meter.  It was almost bedtime so this was glorious to feel like things were finally under control.  Unfortunately, yet thankfully at the same time, I awoke at 1 am to feeling like I had just stepped out of the shower, a numb tongue, dizziness, the super shakes & confusion galore.  I knew I was low again & tested to see a 2.5!  Yikes big time.  I did a pre measured fast acting & slow acting, got the sugars back up to 7 & went back to sleep.  And stinker, I woke up this morning at 14.2.  Today though, I am already way ahead of diabetes.  Within 2 hours,  I am back into beautiful range & I am going to watch my blood sugars like a hawk today.  You won the round yesterday type 1 but today I am taking you down!  Bring it on because just like all the other examples of irritations, if I quit then I lose & we never know how close to winning we are if we keep trying.

Diabetes never stops teaching me every single year.  What was the lesson this year?  Perhaps it was patience, steadfastness, to build strength for the journey, to never give up or something else.  It magnified for sure that I can transport my abundance of stubbornness into something useful & that is to remain forever determined in every area of life.  As a wee humourous aside, I have 2 ringtones on my cell phone.  You will know if diabetes is kicking me or not by the ringtone.  One is “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba.  It is the chorus that says, “I get knocked down but I get up again.”  The other ring tone is “Feeling Better Now” by Collective Soul.  Both of these songs celebrate strength in my mind for the diabetes journey.  One celebrates strength & the other song celebrates gratitude.

Good bye 2013 & in 2014 when you hear my ringtone, may it mostly be “Feeling Better Now!”

My heart’s hope for you is that you remember that you are stronger than you will ever know & that diabetes or any 365 challenge can bring out that strength in you.  Oh and Happy New Year!

Smiles,  Saundie  :)

Remember, we are all getting back up after every "knock down" this week & every week.  Next week's sharing is, "Fits Like a Glove."  :)

Do you have some people in your life that absolutely love you for exactly who you are?  They are treasured Dear Hearts who would not think a thing of a chaotic home if they visited, us answering our front door in mismatched clothing, or  have our hair essentially housing a squirrel?  It may be a wee group of family or friends that either overtly or clandestinely checks in on you to make sure that you are feeling well on all levels.  These folks have seen us on our “good” days & our “moody” days & our “stormy” days, in sorrow & in celebration.  They embrace us entirely.  If you & I have these people in our lives then we are I believe the wealthiest people on earth.  Being loved for exactly who we are is after all what truly matters to my way of thinking.

There is a huge difference between “putting on the dog” so to speak for others & being genuine & exactly ourselves.  Putting “it” on (masks) don’t you find is exhausting & unnatural?  Still, we may feel that we would not be accepted if it were not for the masks that we make use of in some situations.  What if I told you that my experience as an adult with type 1 has rocketed me into embracing a life without a mask everywhere I go?  Okay, there is one day of the year that I do embrace a mask & guess what, it is Halloween. 

Life with type 1 diabetes has given me a filter.  The filter removes the need to participate in nonsensical behaviours.  It is incredibly freeing to choose to not concern myself with what others think of what I am wearing or if I have salon orderly hair or are joining any popular events or hanging out with the “in” crowd.  Remember the quote, “be yourself & the right people will come to you?”  That is one of many mottos that I embrace daily.  Basically, my philosophy on relationships is that my natural job is to be the type of friend that I would want to have by being genuine & real.  I love meeting new people & making new friends however I am not one iota interested in having a collection of people that are acting one way & are someone else in other situations.   As our youngest son says often, “that’s the way God made me.”  You too may be a naturally enthusiastic person.  If that is the real us & we just let that flow through & out of us then koodos for us!  If someone else is naturally different & they are their genuine, original selves with no masks, then koodos for them too!  My thought is just to be our natural selves. 

Over the past 2 years, I have had the blessing of having a new teacher being placed upon my path.  This teacher has not only stretched my thinking & propelled me into taking action in ways that I had not even considered; he has also taken my already hopeful attitude to a new height.  It happened so gradually frankly that I did not notice it at first.  To say that I am a huge advocate of cognitive behavior therapy would be an understatement.  The power that we each have over our thoughts is limitless I believe.  When we take something like this & then add something even more powerful, the impact that this has on our lives is indescribable.

 You may share my love of baking.  My attitude is that if I make goodies from scratch then I can stir in the love.  I love to bake for my family & friends as well as for folks whose faces I may never see or meet.  Let’s consider taking the power of choosing the best thoughts for ourselves & adding in another ingredient like a recipe.  Do you have a favourite recipe?  It may be one that has been handed down to you from family.  Or it may be another one.  Do you modify any recipes?  How did it work out?  Let’s focus on recipes that we love that we added something to & this addition made the dish phenomenal.  Life is like that too.  This teacher taught me this.  I found that with the power already well in use by me of knowing that I have choice over which of my thoughts were serving me well & which ones to discard & then adding in the ingredient of the teacher’s aha ingredient, the quality of each day became more & more phenomenal.  What is the ingredient?  The teacher describes how to have a healthy ego.  He teaches that an unhealthy ego is one that is caved in on oneself.  He teaches us that it is easy to diagnose an unhealthy ego if we think of an ego as either being addicted or unattached.  Addictions, he teaches are: profound attachment to power, honour, wealth and or recreation.  These four things in themselves we are taught are fine if we are not living our lives for & about these things basically.  An example of being addicted to honour would surface if we cannot seem to handle it if we are not thanked every time we do a good deed for another person.  We then ask ourselves if we did the deed for the sake of doing the right thing or in order to obtain a “fix” of getting thanked & being honoured for the deed.  Please do not get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of all of us using our manners.  The distinction in this example though is to ask oneself if there is an addiction to “good feelings.”  It is the courage within us that asks the question as to the motives of our deeds.  We will know if we have an addiction or an unhealthy ego we are taught by seeing whether we are living our life around power, wealth, recreation or honour.  Answering the question I found to be a life changer. 

If we are not addicted to honour (good feelings) or constantly asking ourselves what someone is thinking about us continuously, then we are free indeed don’t you think?  For beginners, it opens up the opportunity for us to be better listeners with others because we are not doing a constant appraisal on ourselves during conversations.  We get to choose to be present with the other person.  We get to be beautiful originals…we get to be our natural selves.  This is a great thing & a rare treasure.

If you & I have some Dear Hearts in our lives who are naturally themselves with healthy egos that love us for the real people that we are, then let’s all of us hang on tightly to these people!  Are they rare?  We each answer that question for ourselves.  These people are out there though.  Thankfully, I have many of these exact original Dear Hearts in my life.  Do you know when these every day heroes came into my life in larger numbers?  It was when I opened the door.  It was when I dared to be myself first.  And yes, diabetes magnified this experience because most of all type 1 has taught me vividly what matters most.

This morning I woke up with a blood sugar of 15.3 & immediately I began the process of attempting to correct this.  I took what I believed to be a modest correction.  Within 2 hours I felt the telltale signs of hypoglycemia like shaking, a numb tongue & dizziness.  Sure enough when I tested my blood sugar was 2.9!  Our sons were not home at the time however my husband was home.  I turned to him & said some choice words about type 1 diabetes.  Then we both laughed.  I was thankful that I did not have to mask my low blood sugar or my feelings about my frustration.  Okay, Saundie, how about when we behave naturally & the outcome is not quite as positive?  Let me share with you that I had a stinker of a hypoglycemia last week of 2.4 & I stayed the course with being an original anyhow.  I was in a situation where there were no shared laughs over my frustration with diabetes or stuff of that nature that time.  My attitude is that in times like those, we get to make a choice to really appreciate the times when we are with a Dear Heart that is supportive & we are loved for our original selves.  We get to look at it this way:  life really is magnificent when we are sharing a “walk” with someone who loves us no matter what.  We need to share more “walks” with these exact people! 

My heart’s hope for you is that you embrace others with original you & that the Dear Hearts in your life embrace beautiful you right back!

Smiles, Saundie  :)

Enjoy all the walks this week over the crispy autumn leaves with a Dear Heart & next week's sharing is "Fits Like a Glove!"  :)                                                                                                              

Do you remember having pop quizzes during your school days?  Maybe you are a student currently who is still experiencing the daunting pop quiz.  Have you considered that life is our classroom as well & that pop quizzes continue in a different yet distinct form?  Perhaps the pop quiz though in life is meant to teach us a lesson either about ourselves, our relationships & what truly matters.

If you are like me, you will remember not being fond of the pop quiz in school.  In particular, the math pop quiz could take me from calm & collected to breaking out into a cool sweat in record time.  Math has always been my nemesis or arch enemy yet in the end has been a saving grace literally & has taught me a life lesson too ironically.  How I loathed math entirely throughout school years with the exception of grade 10.  Grade 10 clicked with both the material being taught & even more importantly with an extraordinary teacher & person.  My math teacher was married to my elementary school music teacher.  Both of these teachers left a lasting impression upon me.  The music teacher led me to a love of music with a fun approach.  Standing at no more than 5 foot 4 inches tall, he was a man that I” looked up” to at school. He taught me a love of the bass & I joyfully brought this instrument home to practice even though it was bigger than me literally.  As a funny aside, growing up, I had 2 twin beds in my room.  When I brought the bass home to practice on I always laid it down on the other twin bed.  The first time I brought it home, my mom & dad were unaware that I had chosen this instrument to learn in school.  They were anticipating that I would either choose the flute or violin or something smaller in stature.  Somehow, the bass was an instant magnet when I saw it & it kind of chose me.  Anyhow, I brought it home the first time & laid it carefully on the bed & closed the door to protect it from our family dog.  My parents walked by my room just before bedtime & out of their peripheral vision they spotted what looked like a person laying on my bed yet I was in the kitchen.  They let out a collective scream that someone was laying in one of my beds!  It was hilarious!  That was their introduction to the bass & they were surprised big time.  No one had to coax me to practice.  I loved that instrument.  Honestly, I really did not have a natural ability for playing instruments yet it is a beautiful memory thinking of my time with the bass.  Mr. Bartlett the music teacher had such a passion & way of encouraging & he “got it” that I had fallen in love with the bass even though some of the notes were not quite on the music page.  Mrs. Bartlett my grade 10 math teacher also had patience & a quieter way of encouraging & respecting the students.  She treated us like adults & that gave her instant “cool factor.”  That was the one & only year that I did not treat math as if it were the enemy.  She had a calling to teach & when our boys get to grade 10, I am confident that I will be able to help them with their math homework.  If you have type 1 diabetes, you may be smiling right along with me when you come to realize too that math is the subject that sustains our lives literally.  Yes, our lives depend upon math!  Most of us get pretty good at math when we can place a value (no pun) on it like the fact that we need to get it right to feel well with type 1. 

Okay, so let’s ask ourselves what pop quizzes we may face in life.  What are pop quizzes in life & how will we recognize them?  The first clue is that they will hit us out of nowhere.  Let’s take type 1 or any “365” challenge for example.  These would definitely hit us out of nowhere.  None of us would be expecting to get news that we have type 1 or any other 365 challenge most likely.  What an unwelcome pop quiz.  This is an understatement.  I will share though that from type 1, I continue to learn countless lessons about life.  The type 1 pop quiz has taught me about relationships & humour & what my bigger “yes” is & what it is not.  It has in summary taught me to love bigger, laugh louder, appreciate huger, and embrace fully what matters most & discard the “reindeer games.”

At our house, we have quite a bunch of sayings that probably only mean something to us.  You may find this to be the case in your home or your circle of friends as well.  Many of the sayings are out of context here & used with humour often & other times to get a point across.  A humourous one as a sidebar example is “hair of the dog.”  Most people think of that saying as meaning something other than what we do at our home.  Each morning when I go through my routine of consuming many things that are good for me yet taste disgusting, I will declare to our sons that it is time for “hair of the dog!”  Then, I will down the health promoting cocktails with a stiff upper lip.  I also will say that it is time for “hair of the dog” if I need to change my infusion set or go for blood lab work.  Okay, back to the saying, “reindeer games.”  In our house, when we say that we are not interested in the “reindeer games” that essentially means that someone is behaving in a way that is negative.  Our sons know that if a reference of no more “reindeer games” is spoken that it is time to cease the behavior.

“Reindeer games” can also be pop quizzes.  Most of us will agree that we hope that people will treat others with the “golden rule.”  The odd time however, a pop quiz in the form of huge “reindeer games” may appear to either you or I.  It is when someone in our lives that we have usually seen in a great light starts to cast a shadow upon him or herself.  In other words, the person out of what would seem like left field behaves in a way that hurts us & we could not have seen this coming.  This likely happens to all of us at some points in our lives.  When adults though enter into “reindeer games” & behave essentially like what we see some grade 7 girls participating in or a segment out of the movie, “mean girls”, it is something that we want to get in front of quickly with the spirit of “cut out the reindeer games & that’s not okay.”  I find myself in this situation right now yet with a different attitude since being diagnosed with type 1.  Prior to type 1, my natural state or reaction would have been to become cross with this type of behavior as well as hurt & confront this in a battle like fashion.  Now though thankfully, I find myself instead feeling compassion for this person & seeking to understand why this person is behaving out of character.  I find myself giving the benefit of the doubt & being more understanding than I would have given myself credit for even though I feel deeply hurt at the same time.  And my heart knows without a doubt that after this storm, we will remain friends.  As an “aha” aside, I would love to share a story with you of someone that I met only once that will have a lifetime impact upon part of my attitude.

Just over 2 years ago, my Dad & I were led on a family journey of the heart together.  I will write of it soon as it is a treasured story.  For today though, I would love to share that through a family member, my Dad & I found ourselves meeting someone new & this person was meant to teach me through a positive pop quiz something about relationships.  At one point he was talking about a property that he owns jointly with another fellow.  He did share that there was in the beginning a parting of the minds on what was to be done to upgrade part of the pond.  He said that when his partner was not behaving in the best light that he simply looked him in the eye & said, “We are going to have a courageous conversation & after we are done, we will still be friends.”  I love that!  Instead of having a “battle” or argument with an unwelcome outcome, he said those respectful words & set the expectation that their friendship would remain fully intact despite their initial difference of opinion.  Their partnership & friendship is indeed flourishing all these years later.

Right now, I am dialing up my basal insulin on my pump when I think about this troubled time that is happening right now with this relationship pop quiz in my own life.  I am dialing back though on the need to have an argument.  Instead, I adopt with full fervor the spirit of having a courageous conversation followed by an intact friendship.  The individual is not yet ready to participate in this courageous conversation right now but one day they will be.  In the meantime it is my job to let the pop quiz of type 1 lessons guide me in continuing to be compassionate & looking beyond the “reindeer games” behaviours & seeing further into the future that we will still be friends or at the very least friends from a distance.  In the meantime, it is up to me to make the only choice that makes sense for me & that is to forgive her in absentia.  I am after all far from perfect myself & have been forgiven many times over in this life. 

It takes effort to make myself think differently at times when “reindeer games” pop quizzes are happening.  Thankfully, I was put on the path of what was once a complete stranger who gave me the answer sheet to the pop quiz on relationship preserving & forgiveness.

My heart’s hope for you is that you too realize that you have been given the answer sheet for these types of pop quizzes when they arise in your life too.

Smiles, Saundie :)

May this week be pop quiz free & next week's sharing is "It Depends Upon Who We Share the Walk With."     :)

There are stories of various cultures being described as “friendly.”  How great is it when you travel to another country or geographical area & have that instant feeling of being welcome there.  And isn’t it a lovely feeling when the area that you live within is that way by nature too.

When you listen to how others tend to describe Canadians, you are prone to hear descriptors like, “friendly, welcoming, peaceful, and unassuming” to mention a few.  It tends to be a land where folks are helpful & welcoming to others.  How heartwarming to hear true stories of Canadians opening up their homes & hearts to others.  September had me thinking about a profoundly heroic Canadian & that is Terry Fox.  Last year it was an honour to watch his life story on film.  Along his journey while running across Canada, Terry found himself in a small village in Newfoundland.  The “Easterners” happily opened up their homes to Terry we see in the movie & found ways to do so much more to support him on his journey of hope.  The movie depicted something far beyond hospitality.  What we got to see was the welcome of someone new into our lives as if they were our family.  It is almost like being expected to show up or an “oh there you are & we are glad you are here safely” feeling.

My Grandpa Brown was an Eastern through & through.  Although he had moved ultimately to Ontario for most of his life, he brought the Eastern welcome with him.  And he passed that on to all of his children.  Grandpa had a heart far more precious than gold, a joyful laugh, a welcome like none other & a way of letting you know that you were the world to him.  On his last birthday with us, I got to bake his birthday cake.  When the candles were lit & the cake was set in front of him, you would have gotten the impression that he had been presented with a winning lotto prize.  He was so genuinely appreciative & so happy with his day.  His day was one of simple pleasures.  He was surrounded by his large, bold family all around his & Grandma’s kitchen table.  Jokes would abound about me having to sit yet again next to a “leftie” around a crowded table & Grandpa always challenged all the grandkids to try to eat the next bite without bending our elbows.  To be heard, you had to talk over one another yet somehow that was just right & the smile that was on Grandpa’s face to this day remains in my heart forever.  One of his favourite things to say to me was, “you know Saundie, I think that you are the bee’s knees.”  When I was very young, I would picture what bee’s knees actually looked like.  Also, I was always trying to conquer the maneuver of eating without bending my elbows.  Grandpa had Eastern welcome in spades.  My heart’s hope is that I too received some of that welcome to pass on to others.  Grandpa was the absolute best at this though.

My Mom received so very much of Grandpa’s welcoming nature.  She is one of the few people that I know that can share an old fashioned home cooked meal for 15-20 people with either little or no notice.  It is like she is expecting you.  With 3 growing & hungry grandsons, she has a bigger challenge yet all joking aside, she has Grandpa’s welcome & gift of turning a meal into a time of treasured memories when all our extended family gets together.  And she & Grandma always happen to have a homemade pie or many to top a delicious meal off with.  I can almost taste that Georgian Bay apple pie right now!

Going in a different direction now with our thoughts, there is one tendency that Canadians have at times been prone to.  Maybe you share this tendency?  I know I do & I am a “work in progress” as far as dialing my tendency back for this one goes.  I am talking about saying “I’m Sorry” too much.  Yikes, I admit that I am on autopilot as far as those two words go.  Someone can say that they are disappointed literally about the weather & automatically, I find myself starting off my response as “I’m sorry.”  Someone profoundly dear to me pointed out a few years ago that I say” I’m sorry” too much.  He told me that when a person says I’m sorry too much that it loses its meaning when we then apologize for something bigger.  He pointed out that I was wearing out the words, “I’m sorry.”  Like I said, it is a work in progress yet I have made some great progress with this & I am grateful to have had my Dear Heart point this out to me so that I could make some progress.

Do you know when I started to make some regression in terms of the “I’m sorry” again though?  It was shortly after I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  Maybe you have found that this has happened to you as well if you have diabetes or another “365” challenge.  I found myself saying that I was sorry when I was not feeling well or if I was even in a low or high blood sugar especially if it meant that I could not participate in something that someone wanted me to do right then & there.  I would apologize for having a sick day or having to make scheduling changes due to health challenges.  I apologized for not eating the same foods like others that I was with or bringing some contributions to meals that others were making.  And I apologized when my pump alarms went off.  That went on for a good 2 or more of those first 2 years with type 1 diabetes.  Then my Dear Heart reminded me about the overuse of the words, “I’m sorry” again.  He also went on to say that I should not be sorry for things that are outside of my control like my low battery pump alarms & high & low blood sugars & sick days with diabetes.  He pointed out that that is absurd.  I realized that inadvertently I had been “beating myself up.”  I decided to stop doing that.  Now an apology means something again thankfully.  Let’s face it too that it is easier to stand up straight when you have a backbone.  Having stopped the internal verbal beating up on myself, my backbone is strong again.  So the weather & traffic jams & diabetes are not my fault & they are not yours either. 

I have found that what works best for me is to replace one habit with a better one vs simply trying to give up a habit that is not serving me well.  Here’s my thought, my replacement of being sorry for things that are outside my control is to take a big page out of Grandpa’s book & be more welcoming instead.  So when I feel myself about to say “I’m sorry” for things like my diabetes, I choose to catch myself fast & instead say, “Hey, come for tea!”

Here’s an example of a win this morning.  This morning my insulin pump alarm went off at the worst possible time.  Instead of turning red, breaking out in simultaneous apologies & a cold sweat, I simply smiled.  I did not apologize nor explain nor behave in any other way than an alarm is not unexpected.  I would not go so far as to say that my alarm was welcome, but I chose to be “okay” with it going off.  Afterwards no one even mentioned it & neither did I.  Instead, I invited some Dear Hearts to tea.

My heart’s hope for you is that you are every bit as welcoming to yourself as you are to others.  Let’s make our apologies count for something & our welcomes be huge!

Smiles,  Saundie :)

May you feel welcome everywhere you are this whole week & next weeks sharing is, "Pop Quizzes & Forgiveness in Absentia."    :)